At least for the time being, the majority of my activity will be on Tumblr. It's the direction this blog had been going, and I'm contemplating moving the URL over there from Blogger, depending on how I like it in the long run.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Lucky 7

I was an obstinate kid and former punk rocker (who wasn't) who rolled with other trouble makers and renegade cyclists. After years of holding out, I finally gave in to the pleasure and performance of cycling specific apparel. None of my former pals have followed. Anyway, it got me thinking about my rules of lycra. Inspired by the famous/infamous Velominati's rules they are as follows:
  1. No pro kits. I'm a grown man. I still play pick up ball and the only players who wear Kobe jerseys are kids.
  2. Limit team or club kits on club rides to once a month, unless the club ride is sponsored by my club. Some dudes have to rock their colors on every single ride. It's called a club ride, yo. Not a race, not a crit, not a challenge, etc. Ritte cats, I'm looking at you.
  3. Check your shorts/bibs before you roll. You know what's between your shorts and your junk? Nothing. The first layer worn over genitalia is usually known as underwear. We're out there exerting ourselves with less clothing on our lower halves than the average hooker (actually they wear shorts with no underwear as well, but you get the idea). Bottom line: no holes in da shorts...in any area.
  4. If you're shaped like a woman, get a woman's opinion on the fit of your shorts. Your wife, your girlfriend, the girl at the bike shop. Any woman.
  5. I don't match my socks to my kit. Even a label whore would show some restraint.
  6. If you spent more on your shoes than your wheels, you're doing it wrong.
  7. Rapha always looks good, but research shows it makes you 5mph slower.
That's my lucky 7. 

-Albert

3 comments:

  1. If you're shaped like a woman??

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wasn't sure about that one either. Albert, please elaborate...

    ReplyDelete
  3. A guy with curvaceous hips. I thought of that one because a sales girl at incycle told me that many guys buy female shorts. True story.

    ReplyDelete